To counter this, we need to encourage maturity in other ways. Knowing that teasing can be bad–even though she didn’t personally witness the event–it makes her feel important to report and condemn it. Tattling to Feel More Important or MatureĪs much as kids like attention, they also like to feel grown-up.Ī second-grader might feel empowered after telling her teacher that another girl (reportedly) teased a boy about his hair. Make sure they understand that from this point on, you expect they will limit their “I’m telling!” communications to helpful informing. If the spiteful tattling continues, you can tell your kids the tattling department is closed. You can then say something like, “Okay, let’s focus on solutions to his problem. Most kids will respond that they are trying to help. You can say “Are you telling me this to get your brother in trouble, or are you trying to help him?” When tattling comes from anger or spite, we can use in-the-moment redirection. Your 5-year-old, mad at his annoying little brother, might decide to tell you that his little brother hit him yesterday–all in hopes that he gets in big trouble today. If your tween is angry with his older sister, he may divulge that she’s listening to inappropriate, explicit music. They can feel hurt by a friend, mad about a demanding sibling, or filled with general angst. Kids have their moments of anger and frustration. As long as it’s undistracted, one-on-one time, we’ll find our kids less likely to seek our attention in negative ways (like nitpicky tattling). Carving out a brief 10-15 minute block each day to do something fun with each of our kids can work wonders. I know that in our incredibly busy lives, this isn’t so simple. The solution to reducing tattling, in this case, is giving our kids more proactive, positive attention. If your 6th grader just wants some sympathy, he might go on and on about how his friend selfishly played Minecraft without him at their last sleepover. So if your 4-year-old is tired of watching her older brother’s TV shows, it’s an opportune time to get your attention by complaining about how he’s going over his screen time minutes for the week. To them, even negative attention is better than no attention.

To counter this, kids will find any reason at all to be noticed. Children of any age can quickly start to feel left out and insignificant. Maybe you’ve been staring at your iPhone too long or working a lot from home. One of the top reasons kids choose to tattle is simply to get our attention. Here are the 4 main reasons children resort to negative tattling: 1. The more comfortable they are with handling eyebrow-raising behavior in positive ways, the less they’ll feel a need to tattle. That’s why it’s also important to train kids in problem-solving. The general rule is that if it doesn’t help someone, tattling is not a good solution. The tales our kids tell don’t serve a real purpose or are used for negative, harmful reasons. While there are plenty of times we need to know what’s going on, most of the cases are nothing more than simple tattling–and therefore unnecessary. So let’s dive in: why do kids tattle so much, and when do we need to either encourage or discourage it? When Tattling is Unhelpful Am I right?īut there are a lot of grey areas, and the difference between tattling and whistleblowing–raising a legitimate alarm–can be complicated.Īs with all our kids’ behavior, when we take a look at the reasons behind tattling, we can discover how to solve the problem.

It’s nitpicky complaining–a nuisance–and none of us have time to deal with it. It’s no secret that in our culture, tattling is seen as negative. It’s a common theme in mobster movies–and on the local playground. “You’re going to be in BIG trouble when I tell on you!”Īh yes. Is Tattling Good or Bad? It’s Actually Both

Tattletail definition